And Why Caution Should be Used with the Term
When I embarked on my first open relationship, over a decade ago, I had no clue what I was doing or how to navigate it. Nothing about what went on that first year would be considered ethical by anyone’s standards. There was zero foundation in my primary relationship, so every single mistake in the book was made on both of our parts. Lying, cheating, infidelity, hiding things, not knowing how to discuss feelings, breaches of trust, time, and well the list could go on endlessly. In short, everything I hold dear about the meaning of the word ethics was missing…
Asking the Tough Questions
Relationships are not stagnant. They grow, evolve, and change no matter how desperately we may wish they would remain in the same state of bliss that found you first declaring “I love you”. We can blame temptation, new information, boredom, ourselves or even our partner, on shaking the foundation of what seemed like a loving, balanced partnership. With the introduction of children, new jobs, conversations with friends, and really the list could go on and on you may find yourself, as I have, wondering who that person is in the mirror? And by extension who is the person that you’re…
Spoiler Alert: This is a Myth
I had a man tell me the other day that “writing about sex is easier for a woman than for a man.” He continued by saying women get a free pass to say whatever they want whereas men are not able to have a voice. Apparently, woman have a unique “privilege that we are not even remotely aware of.” He boasted that he has done years of research on the subject of writing, and that I should just believe him. Oh, did I mention that this guy was using this little dialogue as an introduction to me on an online…
Are We Doomed to Fail Being Raised with Outdated Relationship Models?
If you grew up anything like me, you were taught that relationships consist of one man for one woman, until death do you part. Your parents and/or church provided a living model of how relationships worked (or completely failed), and with your young eyes you took the good, bad, and ugly to heart. Using that frame-work you set out to find that mate who shared similar values and interests so you too could have the long-lasting companionship that your role models did. …
Being non-monogamous allows me the freedom to be the sexual being that I never could in monogamy. The ability to flirt, and interact with other sex positive people in my community on a level deeper than just friendship gives my extroverted nature room to blossom. And thus, when I first heard about social distancing, I was frightened, and in truth, a little angry. It was as if, everything that I had worked so hard to achieve, was suddenly taken from me. Yes, I recognize the selfishness of this statement, especially as this pandemic continues to shake our world order in…
There is a stigma about people in non-monogamy being “dirtier” than those who are in monogamous relationships. The “dirt” I am referring to, is the perception that this community has a higher prevalence of STI’s. I use the word perception, because that is what non-monogamous people are often up against, rather than facts, science, or anything else. And as a result this is one of the major barriers that people experience when “opening up” both internally and externally. So, let us talk about the risks of contracting a sexual infection in non-monogamy both internally, externally, and more.
Internal Risks
In monogamy, many…
It is no secret that being non-monogamous comes with its own sexual challenges. Whether you are a swinger, polyamorous, or in an open relationship, at some point or another performance anxiety is going to affect you. For me, body image concerns creep up about an hour before I start getting ready to attend a lifestyle party. For some, it may be difficulties getting an erection or even staying hard during a play session. For others it may be difficulties in reaching an orgasm. No matter what gives you anxiety before or during a sexual encounter, know that you are not…
The Definition of Consent: Canada VS the USA
I feel lucky to live in Canada where the consent laws are written such that “The absence of “no” doesn’t mean “yes”.” In a court of law, what this means is the onus is on the person to prove that they had consent, rather than the victim proving that they said no. Yes, you read that correctly, the law in Canada is written with consent in mind. Obviously this is not a perfect system, but after reviewing consent laws for each individual state in the USA, I can tell you with certainty I am happy to be Canadian. …
Morality is: a personal or social set of standards for good or bad behavior and character, or the quality of being right and honest (Cambridge English Dictionary)
When I first was first introduced to the idea of non-monogamy, nearly a decade ago, it really shook my moral code. I spent a lot of time soul searching, reading, and absorbing every item that mentioned non-monogamy. It took a lot of hard work, but I ultimately reached the conclusion that I was still the ethical and moral member of society that I was in my previous monogamous relationship. I rationalized that my…
In person and Online
Some people are natural extroverts, and can walk into a room of strangers with ease; full of charm, charisma, and wow you as they confidently approach anyone that they desire. They seem emboldened by the gift of gab, no matter what medium of communication they are faced with. Let me be brutally honest in saying, I am not one of these natural extroverts. It took a lot of trial and error, and a few great mentors for me to overcome this hurdle into non-monogamy. It’s all well and good to figure out where the non-monogamous people are hiding, but if…
Krys Ghislaine
Krys is a sex positive blogger, podcaster, and a lover of craft beer. Read about her non-monogamous journey at breakingawayfrommonogamy.com.
