Consent Matters and Can Even Be Sexy

Consent Chart

The Definition of Consent: Canada VS the USA

Why Does Consent Matter?

The second reason consent matters is because there are people who use sex as a means of power and control, specifically in regards to livelihood. There was a recent news story, where a female coerced a male subordinate into a sexual relationship for career advancement. With the junior employee’s career on the line, he felt compelled to not say no to her. She used her position of authority to obtain sex, and whether he was willing at any time doesn’t matter. What matters is, he was not free to say no if he chose to. We need consent laws to protect individuals from these damaging situations. The employee should feel safe in remaining employed if they say no to any sexual advances.

And third, getting and giving consent is sexy, and heightens the sexual experience. Imagine not having that nervousness feeling of doing something wrong, or pushing a boundary. Having a sexual experience where everyone is on the same page, and eager to proceed? Now that, is honestly what it’s all about. And in the same breath, if a person says no, that is completely OK too! Not every human is going to want to be sexual with every other human. It is our right to choose, and say yes or no.

Asking for Consent

“It’s easier to ask forgiveness than it is to get permission.” Grace Hopper.

Ask yourself in which scenario you risk more? The one, where you just go for it, and end up with egg on your face, or much worse? Or, the one where you take a deep breath, and just ask for what you want? Being asked first, if I want that first kiss, is one of the sexiest things for me. It puts me in complete control of my body, and lays a foundation of trust for everything that is going to build thereafter. It is so sexy having a person respect me enough to ask if I am OK. It also gives me a chance to give an enthusiastic heck yes, or put on the brakes. Either way, I know my wants are valued and respected. I personally love whispering in a new partners ear, that I really want to touch or kiss them, and hearing a, “yes please” in return. Knowing your partners boundaries, and not fearing pushing things too far is what consent is all about. Feeling confident that your actions are OK, and more than that, that they are wanted!

Consent is a Conversation Starter

Getting an enthusiastic yes, is the gateway to being an adult, discussing terms, and boundaries. Remember consent is a conversation starter, not a blanket yes! So have fun with it. Be playful. Then go and have the best sex of your life, with confidence that it is what both you and your partner want!

What is the sexiest way you have been asked for consent? Is there a time you wish you had been asked first? Let’s discuss consent below!

Krys is a sex positive blogger, podcaster, and a lover of craft beer. Read about her non-monogamous journey at

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