Emotions Are Valid
But Learning to Express Them Takes Work
What do “don’t be a baby”, “why are you always so sensitive?”, or “just man up” all have in common? They are all phrases we have heard from people who love us. And in my case, I almost loved them all the more for trying to make me a less emotional woman, and thereby a “stronger” individual. I was raised with a “no crying allowed” rule. If I did cry for anything related to physical discomfort, the follow up would be “is it major or minor”? Minor meant stop crying immediately, and major was rushing me to the hospital. There was no middle ground. “Normal” emotional displays were just not permitted, plain, and simple. This bottling up of emotions was a sign of strength in my family. Hence my personal mantra was born: I can either laugh or cry, and I rarely cry!
Being raised this way, my early adulthood was a battleground for my emotions and by extension, to my first long term partner. In fact, I took the whole “big girls don’t cry” thing to be my rasion d’être well into my late 20’s. And when I finally started embracing tears as a healthy part of life, the floodgates opened, and I had absolutely no control over my sobbing. I would burst out crying at the slightest reprimand at work, cry at every sentimental advertisement, and don’t even get me started on trying to have relationship discussions. My day to day interactions…
