Morality is: a personal or social set of standards for good or bad behavior and character, or the quality of being right and honest (Cambridge English Dictionary)
When I first was first introduced to the idea of non-monogamy, nearly a decade ago, it really shook my moral code. I spent a lot of time soul searching, reading, and absorbing every item that mentioned non-monogamy. It took a lot of hard work, but I ultimately reached the conclusion that I was still the ethical and moral member of society that I was in my previous monogamous relationship. I rationalized that my sex life was no one’s business, and as I didn’t judge anyone else’s sexual choices, I felt safe and comfortable making my own adult choices. But, as many of you reading this article know, we do not live in a bubble, and making a personal decision does not always extend beyond that.
While I came to peace with my sex life, and my relationship desires, something that I wasn’t fully prepared for was the questioning of my choices from those who cared about me. No matter how hard I tried to live in an ethical and moral way, a friend, co-worker, or family member would always have a question that threw me for a loop. One in particular sticks out in my mind. My mother asked me, on more than one occasion, what I would do when I had kids? Because, she went on, you just cannot raise children in a non-monogamous household, as it is not right. As much as I had come to terms with my personal standards for living, I felt ill prepared to deal with the societal monogamous standards. I think that is one of the many reasons why so many of us stay hidden from view, with private parties, secret online profiles and groups, and of course a very stringent application process for events. Opening up the minds of the masses is tough work, and if you have experienced any backlash or judgement, you realize only too late, the importance of anonymity and protecting yourself.
Whether you come from a religious background or not, at some point the question of morality in non-monogamy will come up. Even though the number of people admitting to having an open relationship is on the rise, as a whole, North America is still a primarily monogamous society. As such, questions arise both from outsiders and these same questions I am sure you asked…