Safe Sex and the Sexual Challenges in Non-Monogamy

Krys Ghislaine
10 min readOct 28, 2019

The sexual landscape is constantly changing, and if you, like so many out there are delving into your first non-monogamous adventure, you may be feeling a little overwhelmed at having to have that safe sex talk, or thinking about sexual obstacles. Things have probably changed since the last time you were out dating, and let’s be honest, having sex with new people, or more than two, brings with it some unique challenges. So rather than discovering everything out the hard way, let me share a few things that will better prepare you for sex outside of monogamy.

Getting Tested

While this may seem like the most common-sense place to start, it is often overlooked, until of course you begin to suspect something may be wrong or you get asked about it. We have a tendency to assume that as you have only been with one person for X amount of years, you must be fine right? Wrong! Before starting your first non-monogamous adventure, get tested, and make a plan to make it a regular part of your life. Depending on your sexual activity level, this could entail yearly, quarterly, or even monthly testing. If you are uncomfortable asking for a full STI panel from your family doctor, there are amazing clinics that specialize in testing, (Planned Parenthood for example) and there are even a few online companies that now provide tests in a box, discretely shipped right to your door. So do a little internet searching and find out what options will best suit your lifestyle and budget.

One note of caution that I have heard time and time again is that many physicians will only screen for the basics. Be sure to ask for HSV, blood work, and anything else that is available to ensure a full panel screening, especially that first visit. You may even want to look into getting the HPV vaccine. Knowing your full status is the first step in being an ethical and responsible member of the non-monogamous community. And if anything shows up, you can make a plan to remedy it, or protect future partners. While nothing is 100% safe or without risks there are many things within your control, so let’s take a closer look at how to disclose and have the safe sex talk with new partners.

Talking About Safe Sex with New Partners and Disclosure

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