The Emotional Drop

And How it Affects Everyone, Not Just the Non-Monogamous

Krys Ghislaine


Perrine Bridge: Twin Falls (photo by KGB)

There is a phenomenon that people in non-monogamy are quite familiar with (at least in my many conversations with people), and that is the emotional drop that occurs after a really great experience, usually sexual in nature. If you’re in a monogamous relationship you can be forgiven for never hearing about this phenomenon because quite honestly, it just hasn’t needed much attention or even a label, well, until now. Times are changing, and after spending a few years in isolation, or with restrictions placed on our daily interactions something puzzling is happening, we are feeling a strange void and more specifically are feeling negative and really bummed out hours or sometimes days after having interactions with others. In the past, we could chalk this up to something mild, and even overlook it all together. But in the wake of our renewed interactions what used to feel unimportant is starting to have a big impact on our relationships, communication, and our mental health. So, let me bring a concept that I have dealt with for over a decade in my many non-monogamous interactions into the mainstream consciousness: The Emotional Drop.

What Exactly is An Emotional Drop?

Well, simply put, it’s the balancing out of emotions after we experience something positive like butterflies or New Relationship Energy (NRE). In Dom/Sub relationships, this also known as the Sub Drop, and is where I first learned the term. Extreme highs followed by intense lows, or just a simple great feeling when connecting with a person, followed by an empty feeling when they are gone.

In the book, Why We Love by Dr. Anna Machin, she talks about the physiological and chemical responses that we have when we meet someone new, and more concisely, when we fall in love. From DNA, to chemical reactions, to our base physiological need to be in love to survive as a species, everything seemingly lines up for us to feel those highs. Being with someone and in love is safety, security, and pretty much all the most wonderful things. But, and here’s the big but, while these joyous feelings keep us actively searching until we find our special someone, the drops, well they can pretty much flatten us! Why now all of a sudden? Because we were stripped…